99 Reasons Why A Typewriter Is Better Than A Computer!!

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Speaker 1: And we continue with our American Stories, and now a story from one of our regular contributors, Bert Rossiica.

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Speaker 2: In twenty twelve, for reasons known only to Providence, I decided to type a list of the reasons why a manual typewriter is better than a computer. My intent when I started was to come up with ninety-nine reasons. The reason I settled on ninety-nine was because back in nineteen eighty-five, Tom Boswell,

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Speaker 3: who was then the beat reporter for

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Speaker 2: Baseball for The Washington Post, was given an assignment by his editor to come up with the ninety-nine reasons why baseball is better than football. And as he tells the story, he comes into the office at nine in the morning and his editor tells him he needs on his desk by twelve o’clock at least ninety-nine reasons. Boswell goes back to his office a little anxious that he may or may not be able to accomplish the task and the time allotted, and proceeds to write on his typewriter. According to him, it took him forty-five minutes to complete the task, and it became an instant classic and part of the pantheon of baseball. The reason I had a newfound appreciation for the typewriter had to do with the fact that our then twelve-year-old son shows up one day with the typewriter. I asked him, “Why in the world did you buy a typewriter?” And he told me, “I always wanted one, Dad.” I thought, “All right.” He got the typewriter at a thrift store in our town. And the reason he was at the thrift store was because, at the age of twelve, he decided he did not want to attend the cotillion at his school wearing khaki-colored chinos. He wanted to wear Nantucket red-colored chinos. And I told my wife, “I don’t feel like spending like one hundred

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Speaker 3: dollars of Brooks Brothers or Nordstroms or some other place for a kid to wear Nantucket red chinos for six months and then grow out of them.”

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Speaker 2: So I said, “Take him to the thrift store.” So he came back from the thrift store without the chinos but with the typewriter. So I said, “What did you pay for it?” “Fifteen dollars, Dad! Fifteen dollars for a typewriter!” “Okay, the guy wanted thirty, Dad, but I told him it didn’t work, so I’d only give him fifteen. I tried to get it for ten, but he insisted on fifteen.” The kid’s twelve years old, negotiating with the thrift store manager or owner or whatever he was. So he has this fifteen-dollar typewriter that doesn’t work. “Why’d you get a typewriter if it doesn’t work?” He said, “I figured you could fix it, Dad.” He said, “All right, it’s a reasonable answer. Let’s take it down to the bench and see what we can do.” So, take it down to my workbench. Finally, we get the thing working well. We proceed to then argue over who gets to use the typewriter. I wanted to use it. He didn’t want to let me. I argued, “I fixed it!” He argued, “I paid for it!” “Why don’t you get your own typewriter?” So I did. And then I got another, and then another, and then another. And the next thing I know, I’m collecting and restoring old manual typewriters. And I started writing, and in the process of that, I realized writing on a typewriter is way more enjoyable than writing on a computer. One day, I’m typing away on a typewriter, writing heaven knows what, and I’m thinking, “This is great!” I also start thinking about the Boswell list. I said, “I wonder if I can come up with ninety-nine reasons why a typewriter is better than a computer.” So, put a piece of paper in the typewriter, and I started the type, and here’s what I came up with. I’m going to go through the list. Some of them are a little redundant. In fact, I think some

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Speaker 3: are absolutely redundant.

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Speaker 2: Now, for those of you who have never typed on a typewriter, you’re just going to have to use your imagination. Now, for those of us old enough to have typed on a typewriter, I think some of these things might strike a chord. Speaking of which, the number one reason is there are no power cords. Two: No cords connecting to a printer. Three: No cords connecting to an external hard drive. Four: No cords connecting to anything. Five: No software to install. Six: No software to download. Ten: A typewriter can’t crash. Eleven: No fatal system error message. Twenty-four: No font to choose. Twenty-five: No font color to choose unless you have a two-tone ribbon. Twenty-six: No font size to choose. Twenty-seven: You don’t have to format your font. Twenty-nine: No print button to push. Thirty-three: No leaving your desk to retrieve your print at work. Thirty-four: The typewriter can reflect your mood. If you are upset and you type harder as a result, it will show in your work because the keys will penetrate the paper. Thirty-nine: I like baseball. Shirley Povich used the typewriter. Need I say more? Forty: There is no chance what you type will be uploaded inadvertently to the internet for all the world to see, whether you want it to or not. Typewriters are secure and private. Forty-one: There is no spell check. You need to learn how to spell and use a dictionary. In the process, you will improve your vocabulary. Forty-two: There is no grammar check. Read ‘Drunk and White’ and learn how to use it. You will improve your grammar. Forty-three: No annoying perforated red underlines telling you something is misspelled. Forty-four: No annoying perforated green underlines telling you something isn’t punctuated properly. They are not always correct anyway. Fifty-one: If you’re working late and happen to fall asleep at the keyboard with one of your fingers pressing against the key, you won’t wake up later to discover that you have just typed two three hundred and fifty-nine pages of the letter K. Fifty-three: No mouse. Fifty-six: You don’t get interrupted with emails. Fifty-seven: No one tries to friend you. Sixty-seven: When I am working on my typewriter, it can’t be confused with playing Solitaire or shopping on the web. Seventy-one: When I type, I am not distracted by all the other things on a computer that are ultimately less fulfilling. Seventy-two: Most of the good old typewriters were made in America. Seventy-seven: There are no gamers on typewriters. Seventy-eight: If a typewriter breaks, they rarely, if ever, do you take it to some old guy that has interesting stories to tell, rather than some young kid that doesn’t know anything. You may not know it, but you probably have more in common with that old guy, even if you’re not old. Seventy-nine: You don’t need extended warranties. You can’t get them anyway. Eighty-three: If someone sees you or hears you typing on a typewriter, they will stop and ask you about it, and you will have something interesting to discuss.

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Speaker 3: No one ever asks me about my computer.

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Speaker 2: Ninety-one: If I want to, quote-unquote, ‘carbon copy’ someone, I get to use real carbon paper. Ninety-two: Now, my kids can learn what real carbon paper is and why they CC someone. Ninety-three: Another personal one. I now have a use for those three bottles of White-Out I have been saving in my desk for so many years. Ninety-nine: You never have to reboot your typewriter. And what a terrific piece by Bert Rossiica.

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Speaker 1: He is still hacking away at the typewriter and loves it. Bert Rossiica’s ninety-nine reasons why a typewriter is better than a computer. Here on our American Story.